Tag Archives: raisin bran

Mexican for Breakfast

7 May

*this is the mental thumbnail that pops into Grandma's head at the mention of Mexican

No, not the food, the people. I swear to God Grandma stays awake all night thinking of ways to annoy the shit out of me. Being the absolute Queen of the non sequitur, she says while eating her raisin bran, “Looks like they’re going to have to do something about the Mexicans.”

Put through the Grandma Translator, what this means is, ‘I’d like to discuss immigration and undocumented workers.’ First thing in the morning, at breakfast, with a mouth full of raisin bran. Fantastic. This means the last piece on whatever shit show she was watching before bed discussed something to do with immigration. I can only pray she didn’t refind Fox News, which  I actually told her when she moved in here that we didn’t get that channel on our cable. This is funny because I live 3.5 miles from my sister’s where she lived before, and she completely accepts this as true.

“They seem to want to round them up and send them back.” Oh Christ. She has found Fox News. I brace myself for what’s coming next.

“Seems to me, it’d be better if they just let them stay. They’re already here. They could just pay taxes.”

I can’t believe that I am not going to have to sling this one out with her. I said, “Why do you say that Grandma?”

She thought for a minute, chewing her raisin bran and then replied, “Well, my Dad come here from Scotland. All he did was get on a boat and come here. And then he found work, and all we kids was borned here (Midwestern grammar) and that was that. Nobody ever asked him what he was doing here. Seems to me, beings they’re (again with the grammar) already here, we should just leave them be.”

Please excuse me while I go start a Facebook group, ’90 year-olds who can fucking remember that they also have an immigrant past, for amnesty.’

This almost makes up for her liking Sarah Palin. I said almost.