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Georgia Johnson, Best Grandma Ever. March 15th, 1920-October 14th, 2010

15 Oct

We are and will forever be grateful for every moment. Love you.

When my brain works again, I will put up better, larger sized pictures. But for the moment, I think you get the idea that she was much loved, adored and even pampered.

Stacey, Jamie, Evan and Shelby

Grandma and Me

9 Oct

After a big haul from the farmer's market. Just because I feel like putting it up.

Excuse Me?

8 Jun

*Fog not included.

We prefer the term Fairy Princesses.

Thank you.

Grandma Enjoys Wanda Sykes, Wonders If She Is Lesbian.

7 Jun

Grandma loves Wanda.

Wanda, not Grandma. Wait. That’s even worse. Wanda probably does not wonder if she is Lesbian. Grandma does not worry that she is Lesbian. This whole title is a Lesbian version of Who’s on First.

In the interest of clarity: Grandma, not Lesbian. Wanda, Lesbian. Grandma’s musings, probably bi-curious.

You’ve not really experienced anything shocking until you have watched Wanda Sykes ‘I’ma Be Me’ with your 90 year old Grandmother. To Wanda’s credit, Grandma was able to follow her for about an hour of the hour and twenty-six minutes. Not bad at all given the number of times she (Wanda) said fuck (994) and dick (852). Grandma limited herself to one dick, and no fucks. Kind of like her marriage. She laughed throughout. Kind of like her marriage.

I cannot believe the shit I do with Grandma. Who said old people aren’t fun?

Sorry, That Was Bitchy.

3 Jun

Surprise! Clean house!

Things that Do Not Suck, or one thing anyway:

Coming home to find the Cleaning Fairy has visited.

Thanks Jame!

Frustrated Grandma

1 Jun

A quotable:

“I couldn’t say shit if I had a mouthful of it.”

Kind of like this blog.

MiraLAX

31 May

The Assinator

Okay.

Here’s the deal. Old people have shit issues.

There. I said it. If you are just now getting your very own old person, please be aware that they are keenly involved with their bowel movements or lack of them. If you’ve ever had to give or been given and enema, you will understand their concern. Concern is not really the right word. I am concerned about the environment. I am concerned about my Nephew’s grades. When it comes to old people and shit, it’s code red, all day, every day.

Yesterday we went code brown. MiraLAX is polyethylene glycol, commonly known as “Old People Explosive.” Grandma, being old and shit challenged, thinks she needs to have a laxative. I, on the other hand, do not concur. Yesterday she won the laxative battle and today, I lost the war.

I will say that there are many wonderful things about sharing my days with Grandma, the least of which is MiraLAX. It does have a warning on the label, which is most helpful. “Do not use if you are allergic to polyethylene glycol.” What it doesn’t say is that it’s most effective between the hours of 2 and 4 am, the same hours that my Ambien and Xanax are at their most effective. Coincidence? I think not, MiraLAX people.